Unwell
by dreams-of-a-girl
Summary: CHAPTER 6 ADDED! everything is wrong, why does this stuff always happen to them? GS (a bit of CS and CG friendship)
1. The Lump

Disclaimer: don't own them simple as that! Wish I did though!  
  
Summary: everything is wrong, why does this stuff always happen to them? G/S  
  
Unwell  
  
PROLOUGE: For the past few months the workload at CSI had tripled and it seemed that it had been tiring out Sara more then usual. But she was thankful that the work for the night was over and she could finally go home to sleep. As she turned around from her locker she bumped into Catherine accidentally. Even though the bumped hadn't been that hard a pain shot though the right side of Sara's breast, it was such an excruciating pain that it made Sara fall to the floor crying. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry I didn't realise I had knocked you that hard. Are you alright?" Catherine asked helping Sara to the bench.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that I bumped into something the other day and I got a bit bruised and when I knocked you a sharp pain shot through me. But I promise I'm okay"  
  
"Well you better go get It checked out just in case. See you on Friday." Catherine said pausing for a moment before leaving the room.  
  
Sara couldn't help but burst into tears when Catherine had left the room the pain was still there and it felt like it was getting worse. She knew her friend was right about going to the doctors to get it checked out but she still hoped that Cath had believed the lie about getting bruised. She went into the bathroom to wipe her face so no one else could see that there was something wrong, she pulled out her cell phone and dialled her doctor.  
  
"Hello, I would like to make an appointment to see Dr Frances as soon as possible? It's Sara Sidle; yes nine o'clock will be fine. Thank you." She put away the phone and gave her breast a quick rub before she left. What she found though gave her a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach; she felt a tiny lump in her right breast. She quickly ran out of the building before anybody could see the new tears welling up in her eyes. 


	2. The Results

Chapter 2:  
  
Sara sat in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to get her tests back. Ever since she felt the lump she had been really worried and now that the doctor had her tests back time seemed to go so slowly. She had gone to work the night after she went to the doctors but found it hard to concentrate on the on the supposed murder suicide, everyone seemed to notice something was bothering her, even Grissom.  
  
"Sara, are you alright? You don't look very well?" she had answered that she was just a little tired and thought she was getting the flu, he suggested she should take two days off. It was nice of him so she accepted wondering if he was just messing with her mind again.  
  
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the doctor came back in with her results. He didn't have to even say a word, she could tell by the look on his face that her worst fears had come true.  
  
"I have breast cancer don't I." It wasn't a question it was more of a statement.  
  
"Yes, Miss Sidle you have breast cancer. You are lucky though, we have caught it in the early stages so you most likely won't need a lot of Chemotherapy. I have made an appointment for Thursday for you to have the lump removed. I suggest that you take a few weeks off work so you have time to get over the worst of the chemo." She just nodded and then left the room in a sort of daze she knew Grissom had given her the night off but she had to go into work to get her mind off the fact that she had breast cancer.  
  
When she arrived at the lab she went straight to Grissom's office she stood at the door for a few moments just staring at him doing the crossword, she didn't know what exactly she was going to say but she knew that she wasn't going to tell anyone about the cancer. As if sensing her presence Grissom looked up from the paper that his eyes had been preoccupied with a few seconds ago.  
  
"Sara what are you doing here? I thought I gave you tonight off as well?"  
  
"You did, but I wanted to come into work and I also need to ask if starting next Wednesday I could have a few weeks off?"  
  
"I don't know Sara, you will have to ask Catherine because next week I am going on a vacation and I have left her in charge."  
  
"Oh umm... okay thanks anyway Gil." She said walking out of his office with her head down knowing that now she had to go and ask Catherine for the time off and she will want to know why.  
Sara found Catherine in the break room talking to Lindsey on the phone. She took a seat while she waited for her colleague to finish the conversation. She clicked off her cell phone and turned to face Sara.  
  
"Hey Sara! Didn't Griss give you the night off?"  
  
"Yeah he did but I needed to come into work to ask him something but he told me you were the person to ask. So here I am."  
  
"Ask away."  
  
"I was wondering if I could take a few weeks off of work starting next Wednesday? I know Grissom is going on vacation but I really need the time off!"  
  
"Sara I know you wouldn't ask for time off unless you really need it but with Grissom gone we will be really tight around here and I just can't give you the time off. Maybe when Grissom comes back you can go on vacation." Catherine saw the look in Sara's eyes "I'm truly sorry honey but at the moment I just can't spare you, you understand don't you?"  
  
"Yeah I understand Cath, can you tell Griss that I am going to take tonight off?"  
  
"I can do that. You should get some rest. We'll see you tomorrow!"  
  
with that Sara got up out of her seat and left the lab. All the way back to her apartment she had tears in her eyes. She knew she couldn't postpone the surgery but she also knew that she couldn't tell the others. She decided then and there that she would just not show up for work. She couldn't let this thing get her. 


	3. The Suprises

Chapter 3.  
  
Wednesday night had finally arrived; Sara was going into the hospital tonight because her surgery was scheduled for seven o'clock Thursday morning. She had gone to work the past couple of days but Grissom wouldn't let her out to any crime scene so she just helped Greg in the DNA lab. It was kind of weird the two of them being in the lab that could have killed them both but it didn't seem to really bother them. Now here she was the night before her surgery, bag packed, staring at her off television and waiting for her cab wishing she were back at the lab the night of the explosion, because almost getting blown up wasn't half as scary as this whole waiting thing. Her phone rang and she jumped out of her thoughts, she was a bit hesitant at first to pick it up worrying that it was going to be Catherine asking where she was when she pacifically said that Sara wasn't able to take time off this week. She let it go through to the answering machine and then noticed that it was her cab driver telling her that he arrived. She picked up her bag, quickly grabbed a photo that was on her bedside table, took one last look around her apartment and headed for her cab.  
  
(The next morning)  
  
"Miss Sidle, we are going to give you the needle now to put you to sleep. You probably won't wake up until later this evening so if you have any visitors I'll tell them to come back later and I'll make sure they bring you lots of good get well gifts." The nurse said to Sara patting her arm to reassure her that everything was going to go just fine.  
"Thank you, but I won't have any visitors because I haven't told anyone about this..." Sara replied as she drifted off into a drug-induced sleep.  
  
It was about five o'clock when she woke from surgery the doctor was standing at the end of the bed and in the last few seconds of the haze she thought that it might have been Grissom but she was disappointed when she noticed that it was only Dr Hicks, he told her that she wasn't allowed to get out of bed until the next morning when she was starting the first lot of chemotherapy. She had laid there for half an hour after he left staring at the picture she had brought with her, it was one of the whole nightshift, she rubbed her finger along Grissom's face, she then noticed Dr Hicks walking down the corridor. She slowly got up out of her hospital bed and made her way to lean against the doorframe.  
  
"Dr Hicks I was wondering..." her sentence was cut short by the sight of the familiar face of one of he CSI colleagues.  
  
"Sara?" it was Catherine. What happened next might have been because of the fact that Sara had not long been awake from the surgery or the fact that now she had to explain to Catherine or it could have been a mix of the two but Sara fainted to the floor.  
  
"Sara?"  
  
"Miss Sidle?" Catherine and Dr Hicks said in unison.  
  
Sara blinked away the blackness and stared at her friend.  
"Miss Sidle I told you, you were not to get out of this bed until your chemo tomorrow and that if you need something you were meant to push that little buzzer right there."  
"Chemo? Sara what's wrong?" asked Catherine a look of worry sweeping her face.  
  
"I'll just leave you two alone." Dr hicks left the room but turned around "can you make sure she doesn't leave this room unless she is in that wheel chair? We don't want her to faint again." he asked looking directly at Catherine. She nodded and quickly drew her attention back to her friend in the bed.  
  
"Sara, tell me what's wrong. This is why you needed the time off work isn't it?"  
  
"Yes Cath, this is why I needed the time off work... Cath I have breast cancer..."  
"Oh my god honey why didn't you tell anyone, we should be here for you, we would want to be here for you!"  
  
"I thought I had to do it on my own and you have to promise me you won't tell the others especially not Nicky."  
  
Catherine mumbled something under her breath that to Sara sounded like 'they are too much alike!' This time it was Catherine that saw Dr Hicks she put up her index finger as a sign that she would be back in a minute, gave Sara the stay right where you are look and rushed out to find her friends doctor. The next thing Sara knew Catherine had helped her into the wheel chair grabbed her stuff and were moving to another room. Before they entered Catherine quickly popped her head into the room and whispered something to the patient in the room.  
  
"Sara, there is someone in this room I think you should meet!" a mischievous grin on her face and she wheeled her into the room. The man on the bed turned to face her and all of a sudden her heart stopped.  
  
"Grissom?"  
  
TBC...... 


	4. The Truth

Chapter 4.  
  
"Sara?" the two were obviously awestruck at the sight of each other.  
  
"What are you doing here?" they both asked in unison. A matching blush growing on their pale cheeks followed their matching questions.  
  
"OK, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to break this up for a few minutes, even though this is the most you have spoken to each other in a very long time. I have to get to work so Gil, here are those forensic magazines you asked for." Catherine said pushing Sara over to the vacant bed and handing Grissom his magazines "Grissom, make sure Ms Sidle over here does not do to much walking around or else she'll faint again, Sara make sure that Dr Grissom does not take those bandages off, the both of you no calling into work every hour and for the love of god sort out whatever has been going on between the two of you, because one, you two are stuck in a hospital room together and two, if you don't you will both end up in here for longer. Get well soon!" and with that Catherine left the room.  
  
"So..." Sara said trying so hard not to look into his eyes.  
  
"Why are you in here?" Gil asked  
  
"you first..." She answered not looking at him.  
  
"Sara, if you want to talk to me you'll have to look at me so I can read your lips, I have just had an operation that will hopefully fix my progressive hearing loss. So tell me again why are you in here?"  
She turned to face the man she loved and he saw in her eyes the worry she had for not only herself but for him as well "This morning I had a lump removed from my right breast... tomorrow I start chemotherapy..."  
  
"Oh Sara honey I am so sorry..." he added the news making him sit straight up in his hospital bed. The tears started welling up in Sara's eyes again and she quickly turned away before Grissom could notice. It didn't help though the next thing she knew Grissom was standing behind her his hand on her shoulder pulling her in closer to his chest to hold her in an embrace.  
  
"Sara... honey don't cry...I will be here for you. I know that we haven't really been that close lately but that doesn't mean that I don't care for you...."  
  
TBC... 


	5. The Memory

Chapter 5.  
  
Those last few words of Grissom's sentence made her turn to face him.  
  
"You care for me?" Sara asked the hope growing in her eyes.  
  
"Of course I do! Why on earth do you think I asked you to come to Las Vegas and be a CSI here?" he replied realising how much he had actually pushed her away in the past year "I'm sorry Sara I didn't realise I had pushed you away so much that you thought I didn't care about you........." now his eyes started filling with tears.  
  
Sara stood up to get into her hospital bed but almost fell to the floor once again  
  
"Here let me help you........." his strong hands supporting her back and left side. He was careful on her right side not wanting to knock her stitches but as she got on the bed she winced in pain and Grissom's face suddenly changed to one of worry and concern.  
  
"Oh my god Sara, are you all right? I didn't mean to hurt you........."  
  
".........No it wasn't you......... I'm fine now.........no need to panic........." But Grissom could tell how much pain she was in.  
  
"Are you sure?" she nodded and clenched her eyes shut until the pain had subsided.  
  
They sat together on Sara's bed for a moment without saying a word, it wasn't the uncomfortable silence that was usually around the two of them it was one of worry and concern for each other. Sara was the first one to break the silence.........  
  
"Grissom how long have you known about your hearing loss" she asked looking into his eyes so he could read her lips.  
  
"Actually I have known it might happen all my life but it is only in the past couple of months that it has actually been going."  
  
"So you didn't tell anyone apart from Catherine?"  
"Cath guessed it and I only told Doc Robbins because I asked him wether I actually needed the surgery or not."  
  
"Why didn't you tell any of the others? Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I didn't tell the others for the same reason you didn't tell them about your......... you know........."  
  
"My breast cancer? It is all right to say those two little words, I'm just not sure wether or not I'll be able to keep it in........."  
  
he picked up her hand and held it "It is all right to cry you know."  
  
"No it's not because one I don't think you would be able to handle it two I don't think I would be able to handle it and three I am scared stiff that I might not recover from this so I won't be able to stop."  
  
"Sara it is better if you let your feelings out then to keep them bottled in" "NO! I am not going to cry! I will not CRY! NOW TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN"T TELL ME!" she said not meaning to scream the last bit at him ".........I'm sorry for yelling."  
  
"It's ok......... I didn't tell you because......... It would actually prove to you and me how old I actually am........."  
  
"Griss you not in the least bit old age is just a number........." all of a sudden she remembered something  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::FLASHBACK::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Sara stood outside of Grissom's office and on an impulse the words 'will you have dinner with me' came out.  
  
"Sara I'm not sure what to do about this."  
  
It wasn't the first time Sara had gone over this particular moment but it was the first time she remembered that when he had said that he had slightly lifted up a card in his hand. She got her mind to focus on the card in his hand. The name was mostly covered with his thumb but she could still make out 'Dr. Wi.........'  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::END FLASHBACK:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
"When I asked you out to dinner and you said you 'didn't know what to do about this' you didn't mean about us did you? You meant about your hearing........."  
  
TBC..........  
  
A/N: extremely sorry about the long wait but hopefully chapter 6 will be up some time this week! 


	6. The Sign

Chapter 6  
  
Sara looked into Grissom's eyes searching for the answer to her question and for the first time she noticed a sadness in his eyes that wasn't pity or worry for her being sick, it was a look of deep sadness and pain.  
  
"Part of the reason was about my hearing." He said reaching out to hold her hand  
  
"What was the other part?"  
"I know how deeply you feel for me I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me. I can even see it now. I feel the same way. But I know that if anything happened between us, even just a simple dinner date, I would not be able to let you go and you deserve so much more than I can give you... and don't think for one second it is because of the job, there are a million other jobs but only one you... you who deserves the world and me who can not give it to you." Tears started to fall from his eyes onto her hand that he still held in his. Sara reached up with her free hand and wiped away his tears.  
  
"Grissom I don't give a damn if I deserve better, I couldn't care at all wether you think I deserve the world all I want is you, that's all I've ever wanted and that is all I'll ever need. And I would love it if you would never let me go. You said you could see how much I feel for you, but you can't just by looking in my eyes I have to show you..." and with that Sara signed something that was simple but meant everything to her. 'I...love...you' Grissom mouthed as she signed. Sara was a bit surprised to see that Grissom signed it back to her.  
  
"When did you learn sign language?" he asked her his gaze never once leaving her eyes.  
"Remember during the case with that deaf boy? Well I saw you and his teacher signing and I thought that when I got the chance to say 'I love you' to you I should say it in more than one way so I got on the Internet and did a bit of research." she said with a yawn and a look of tiredness in her eyes.  
  
"Thank you. You better go get some sleep now." He kissed her on the forehead and went back to his own bed as she rolled over onto her left side with her back facing Grissom.  
Grissom stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever when suddenly he felt the need to go over and check on Sara. He got out of his bed and made his way over as quietly as he could and walked over to the left side of her bed and knelt down to her face. Sara tried as quickly as she could to hide the fact that she was in tears but it was too late.  
  
"Sara honey, what's wrong?" he asked trying to wipe away her tears.  
"Gil, I'm scared of dying!" he sat her up and got behind so that she lay in his arms.  
  
"Sara cry all you want but listen to me you are not going to die anytime soon. Not if I have my say." He whispered in her ear and rocked her ever so slightly in his arms and stroked her hair until they both fell asleep.  
  
TBC... 


End file.
